Helping you let go of toxic relationship patterns.
When I started looking into healing my codependency and addictive attachment issues, there were a few names that kept popping up again and again on Google. One was Lisa A Romano. One was Melody Beattie. And the third recurring name was Pia Mellody.
A former therapist and now Senior Clinical Advisor at the world-renowned Meadows Treatment Center in Arizona, US, Pia Mellody is one of the world’s leading authorities in how childhood traumas affect adult relationships.
My first experience of her work was in reading Facing Love Addiction; a book that explains both the ‘addiction’ model that love addicts encounter, and the codependency which underlies it.
The biggest eye-opener for me personally came from realising that love addicts – clingy, needy and looking for rescue – could typically also become love avoidants – feeling overwhelmed, emotionally claustrophobic, and looking to distance or distract themselves. And that often, someone feeling avoidant towards one person could cope by becoming addicted to another.
Having devoured Facing Love Addiction, I later read Pia’s most well-read work, Facing Codependence. Her description of damaged boundaries, in particular, struck a chord. I could see it in myself whenever I’d experienced damaging separations. For me, that was the first step to doing something more fully about it.
Pia Mellody’s work.
While Pia Mellody’s work does deal with the ‘old’ model of love as an ‘addiction’ (as opposed to the newer model pioneered by Alan Robarge, of addictive attachment as a sort of relationship PTSD), the two share a lot of crossover. Especially when it comes to looking at the childhood issues fuelling the ‘addiction.’
For that reason, I’ll likely reference Pia Mellody’s books and videos, and in particular the strategies she suggests, in writing here (and on newcodependency.com) that discusses addictive relationships. I’ll also be looking critically in-depth at the books themselves, so you can get a feel of whether or not they’re right for you.
But if just that short description makes you think they might be for you, check out the links below.
All the best,