Helping you improve your relationships.
I’d expect most people to find the work of Alan Robarge when they’re leaving a relationship with a narcissistic partner or an abusive parent.
I didn’t. It was ending a bond with a compulsively boundary-pushing codependent that did it for me.
The point, I discovered, wasn’t really whom I was leaving or what they had done ‘to’ me. It was how I’d responded to it and allowed my own boundaries and values to become corrupted along the way.
Why was I so resentful? Why couldn’t I let it go? How had my reality – so crystal-clear and strong when I decided on the breakup – become so clouded by distorted, unrealistic thoughts of how great life could be if only she would just get it and just change…?
And what was I going to do to make the awful feeling of anxiety and pain go the hell away!?
A 12-Step fellowship was one option. And indeed, I found a distinct amount of relief from sharing in those environments.
But I combined that with an awful lot of research into what I was experiencing.
This video was particularly eye-opening:
And this one helped me to understand what I might do about my situation:
As you’ll see if you follow Alan’s videos, he favours body-based approaches to healing addictive relating.
And so, with my own therapist, I followed that model, using EMDR techniques to help me navigate childhood trauma points and less-recent attachment injuries from adulthood.
I’m delighted to say that it all paid off. The trauma lessened considerably, and I was able to return to something like normal – albeit with a deeper understanding of myself, and more insight into managing my relationships.
Alan Robarge’s work.
Here on Healing Hub you’ll probably find I reference Alan Robarge often it comes to the topics of Love Addiction, addictive attachment, or attachment injuries. He’s also someone I’ll feature on The Attachment Addiction Blog for the very same reasons, so keep a look out for his work there, too.
And if you’re looking to learn more about Alan’s work, you can do so at the links below.
All the best,