How Healing Hub came to be.
In 2015 I went through a horrendous breakup.
I had experienced separations before. But this was something worse. This felt less like heartache, and more like trauma. (As it turned out, that’s exactly what it was).
I could tell something wasn’t right. And so I resolved to find out just what it was I’d experienced. If I didn’t, I realised, the next breakup just might kill me.
First thing’s first.
I started with exploring the drinking problem that had blighted my ex’s family, which had caused much of the deep, toxic distrust that had torn my relationship apart.
This took me to Al-Anon, a 12-Step Fellowship for those affected by other people’s alcoholism.
There I learned about the family illness caused by loving someone with an addiction (or loving someone who’s been affected by an addict). And, after reading Melody Beattie’s seminal Codependent No More, I had a name for this condition: codependency.
At that point I was still a mess. But, as I returned home from work each night and just about summoned the strength to watch yet another Lisa A Romano YouTube video, I began to realise the scope of the situation it had left behind, and that I was not the first person to experience such pain and confusion.
From there, I launched myself into a near-obsessive quest to understand how and why I had attracted certain types of people throughout my life, and had found myself in repeating patterns of painful relating and failing relationships for longer than I cared to admit.
Peeling the onion.
The more I peeled my own personal onion, the more I realised how little I had known; how naïve and asleep I had been in my personal relating. Each epiphany led me to another support group, recovery programme, blog post, book, podcast, app or video that offered yet more insight into why I was the way I was – and how I may go about the slow process of changing my attitudes and troublesome relating patterns, for a happier and healthier future.
But not only me. The more people in this sphere I talked to, the more I realised how many were also struggling with similar issues, and just how helpful this font of accumulated knowledge could be.
Sharing is caring.
And so I made suggestions to people for readings I thought they might find useful. I recommended them YouTube channels to follow. I shared my experiences, relating them to what I had since learned – and my words seemed to help people. Seeing that light bulb go off for them was the most fantastic feeling.
Then, around a year on from my first spiritual awakening, and against my better judgement, I got involved in a short, intense relationship with an acutely unrecovered codependent. And suddenly I saw things from the other side: the frustration and resentment caused by managing another person’s chronic neediness and control issues. I realised, with some discomfort, how dealing with me at my worst, pre-recovery, must have been for those around me at the time.
A road less travelled.
That breakup, painful as it was, didn’t kill me as I’d feared – I owed that to my growing understanding.
In fact, the experience gave me a new awareness, a fresh determination to continue changing, and kick-started me down a path of learning even more: not just about codependency this time, but about communicating needs respectfully, following personal goals, challenging faulty thinking, and the all-important act of daily self-care.
I sought insight, support, strategies, techniques and tools to get me through… and then I resolved to try and pass those on, too.
And that’s where the idea for Healing Hub really began.
Helping you heal.
I believe this site, and its sister site AttachmentAddiction.com (where I’ll be blogging on codependency issues) are the best way I can share these recovery materials and insights with those who need it most.
Here, I try to help you do the most important thing of all: look after yourself.
All the best,